Picture this: The holidays are approaching, and it is your “baby’s first” year. What are you looking forward to? What are your expectations? What feelings do your childhood memories of holiday gatherings evoke? Are there traditions you want to continue, or would you prefer to start your own?

While the holidays can be an exciting time filled with merriment, for many it’s a time of emotional and financial stress. Even when you love all that comes with your traditions, you may feel pulled in too many directions. Maybe you’re fighting feelings of obligation around gift giving. Perhaps finances are tighter now and even though you love gifting presents, it feels overwhelming. Some folks may feel familial strains regarding personal matters or strong political differences that make you feel apprehensive about being together. Navigating the logistics with a new baby can also be hard, especially if travel is involved. So how does one find balance?

Stepping back and talking through these emotions is a good first step. Recognize that these feelings are visitors. When I found myself with these emotions during our last season of “baby’s first”, knowing that these feelings would go away once I figured out what was bothering me made me feel better. It allowed me to see what I needed to move past them. I needed a “birth plan” for the holidays! My inner doula asked, how do you envision your ideal Christmas? What an “aha” moment!

What if your holiday involves something more difficult feelings? What if you need to opt out all together? My “aha” moment would send me into a little self-reflection about holiday values. Each family is different, and for those who aren’t especially religious, feelings about the holidays may be extra confusing. How does one steeped in family tradition take a step back from it?

Holidays in my home are simply about coming together with our loved ones and eating a delicious meal. It’s an excuse to get together. We knew that we were expected to be with our families, but we decided that we needed to give ourselves permission to say no and to feel good about it. Things were super busy for my husband around that time. He had limited time off and the idea of us traveling and house hopping to see everyone or hosting everyone and cooking a large meal was more than we wanted to take on.

The idea of opting out was incredibly appealing. No stress? Yes please! This meant explaining to our family that while we enjoy the traditions that come with the day, we needed to do this. We didn’t love them any less. We just needed self-care at that time. We did it. I think maybe some didn’t understand, but it was worth it. It meant that we celebrated our last “first Thanksgiving” with a slow cooker meal, family snuggles, laughter, and a movie under covers and it was fantastic.

This may not work for everyone but knowing what you want, and need will give you the ability to set healthy boundaries. If you’ve put something like this into action, please share what worked for you. It can be so helpful for folks to know others have been through it.

NAVIGATING THE SEASON OF "BABY'S FIRST"